reflections

i was planning on wirting some other stuff in here tonight. but a bunch of things have happened and have over turned my weekend. ash was supposed to come and now she cant anymore...and yea its just all kinda a big disappointment. so on top of it i have a tissue test in anatony tomorrow. blech. heh it was soo easy to be upset and angry about ashley not being able to come...but you know...i didnt have to take it to the extreme i did. ive had some other stuff built up inside of me since the beginning of school and ive just been pushing it all down out of my way so i didnt have to think about anything. i guess tonight kinda set it out again. im not afraid to admit that i was on the edge of crying tonight, there are conflict going on around me and it just breaks me to see that. i dont want things to be rough, confusing, complicated...etc etc etc. you get the point. sometimes i guess its just good to cry and let it out. but then again thats why i was pushing the old problems away caus eit was just making me upset in the first place. why am i having so much trouble? heh as i think about all of this, my so-called problems, it hit me. i was much much much less severe problems then alot of people have in their lives. and i cant even work through them. ive neglected God. and again i have fallen back into my sin. im here again. broken about things in my life. God sees everything thats going on, everything that im hiding. im slowly emptying out...and no one knows but me. I dont know why i try to hide things...it cant be done. i make some pretty big messes sometimes. but God still loves me. He doesnt care about all my problems, all He wants to do is be there for me, comfort me, help me...He wants my trust. no the half hearted trust that ive given Him, but my complete trust. Hes the only one that sees the real erin murphy. and when im about to let go, Hes the one who is still holding tightly to my hand. im just in awe of my Lord. just sitting here with tears of frustration[from my puny life]....i dont even know what else to say. He can do so much for me. why havent i taken full advantage of that?!? Lord I want to completely give everything to you, i dont want to try to do things by myself anymore. Help me to remember that you right there. You want to help. and your always listening. its hard because God isnt someone you can look at when your sharing your emotions...but it has to be gotten used to. God showed so much interest in me by sending His only son to die so i could go to heaven. He deserves nothing but all of my interest in return.

joshua 1:9 "Have i not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; Do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."

isaiah 41:13 "For I am the Lord your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you."