pushing aside

soo...haha yea i start out with "so..." alot. but its because im thinking...ANYWAY. Ive written before about hiding my feelings. feelings meaning when im upset about something. how its just really easy fo rme to just push them down inside and get them out of my way. i sure as heck dont like feeling upset, or...yea pretty much anything but happy. the fact that its easy to push things aside isnt a good thing. In james it talks about the tirals we go thourgh in life, and how they are there to strengthen our relationship with God. they are there to help us learn. so when i push stuff away and just put up a mask because i don tlike the feeling...am i also pushing away a chance to grow closer to God? or somehting that will help me learn? I already know i cant do anything with out God help, but why am i selfish still by trying to hide my problems. and i realize taht i might sound like depressed and what not...but im not. dont get me wrong, because i stinkin love my life. but i think sometimes i feel like i can direct it. i can make it all good, and i can make it as perfect as i want it to be. hah...yea well im wrong. God ALWAYS has something else in mind. Hallelujah. : )