God's plan...just for me.

Its really neat. Sometimes im not sure what to do about things, and im not sure what i want, how i want things, or whats going to happen to me. the worse has to be when im not sure what i want. but...whether or not i do know, or if im confused, i can always rest on the fact that God knows where i will end up. how awesome is that? I dont know A LOT. but i have a God who knows everything. ive really had a feel for doing missions recently. im scared about it. ive never thought that i would ever do something like that. I mean it not like i dont doing that stuff, because the missions trips that ive been on in the past were probably my most memorable expierences. but go overseas? risk my life? be uncomfortable with the people around me, the culture, and whats happening? thats scary. but if its what God wants for me...
ive only shared this with a few people that im really close with. its something ive been praying about. and i get frustrated because i dont know what i want. but i really just want to be able to share with those who dont know God, i want them to be able to feel what its like to have a personal relationship with our Heavenly Father. Any believer would agree that its the most amazing expierence! why not share it?
so heres my thinking. im getting frustrated or confused because im not sure sometimes about what i want. so...so what? thats completely fine. im not always going to know. BUT i can use my frustration or confusion, and thank God for it. Hes making me think about things in life that are important. And through all of it im only growing closer to him.

worrying

"Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done. If you do this, you will experience God's peace." Phil. 4:6-7

it would be really awesome if i never was anxious about anything... it seems like it would be impossible since I worry about school, getting a job, drama... ugh, and etc. But Pauls advice here is pretty clear.i should be turning my worries... into prayers. I sure want to worry less, so this means i need to pray more. ummm...yea. If im talking to God about everything Im going through, and i know that he knows exactly whats happening, how i feel, whether i am right or wrong in the situation, what the outcome will be...EVERYTHING! heh...its awesome, because whenever i start to worry about things i can just stop for a minute, and just talk to God about whats happening. He knows. He will always know. and even though i cant hear Him talk back to me or anything, I do feel a little more "peaceful" about things.

stars

tonight...i was out on the soccer field like i usually am everynight, and i just layed down and looked up at the stars. its so neat to know that God put each and everyone of them, in the spot they are. he picked where he wanted them to go. THERE ARE SOO MANY! its amazing...and the different thing you can see in the stars, like the big dipper(which i saw the other night as well and it was by far the biggest ive ever seen it!) and the little dipper, the north star, etc. and the stars are just a tiny testimony of how awsome our God really is.

genesis 1:16b "...He also made the stars."

daniel 12:3 "those who are wise will shine like the brightness of the heavens, and those who lead many to righteousness, like the stars for ever and ever."

2 peter 1:19 " And we have the word of the prophets made more certain, and you will do well to pay attention to it, as to a light shining in a dark place, until the day dawns and the morning star rises in your hearts."

God's love

so...my first priority should be to love God. something sooo simple, but for some reason easy to get off track of. i get off track becaus ei become wrapped up in what is happening to me everyday. the different trials that i go through. i let those things push God away just enough so He may not be the center of my life. i could also be focusing on the things of God, like prayer or bible study, and not be focused on God Himself. My love for God is only in response in His unfailing love for me. its not something i make, or read about. its just there. If I thought that God was there, but didnt love me, he just created me and said "now go on and have fun with life"...i wouldnt pay much attention to Him. BUT He give me attention. He helps me when i need help, Hes always there to talk to, He forgives me when i do something wrong. He is the lover of my soul, and everyone elses. He pursues me everyday, and is just aching to convince me of His wonderful love. He gave His life....for me. He definatly didnt have to, he could have just said "forget it. your not worth forgiving.its way to much trouble for me to do that."...but He didnt. He chose to make the sacrifice. thats how much He loves me. so how do i repay Him? i love Him back, i do what i can to have the intimate relationship with Him that He strives for and that i long for. i need to be honest with myself, and break down sometimes. i need to push aside my pride. heh...easier said then done. Its amazing. God loves me so much, He is reaching out to me everyday...even if i do push Him away a little, Hes still right there, waiting for me to run back into His arms.

Lord i come to You,
let my heart be changed, renewed
flowing from the grace,
that i find in You.

Lord ive come to know,
the weaknesses You see in me,
will be stripped away,
by the power of Your love.

Hold me close,
let Your arm surround me.
bring me near,
draw me to Your side.
and as i wait,
ill rise up like the eagle.
and i will soar with You,
Your spirit leads me on,
by the power of Your love.

im not alright

If weakness is a wound
That no one wants to speak of
Then “cool” is just how far we have to fall
I am not immune
I only want to be loved
But I feel safe behind the firewall
Can I lose my need to impress?
If you want the truth, I need to confess

I’m not alright
I’m broken inside, broken inside
And all I go through
It leads me to you, it leads me to you

Burn away the pride
Bring me to my weakness
Until everything I hide behind is gone
And when I’m open wide
With nothing left to cling to
Only you are there to lead me on
Cause honestly, I’m not that strong

I’m not alright
I’m broken inside, broken inside
And all I go through
It leads me to you, it leads me to you

And I move, and I move, and I move...closer to you
And I move, and I move, and I move...closer to you
And I move, and I move, and I move...closer to you
And I move, and I move, and I move...

I’m not alright
I’m broken inside, broken inside
broken inside, broken inside
And all I go through
Leads me to you, leads me to you

I’m not alright, I’m not alright, I’m not alright...that’s why I need you


i was at the sanctus real concert last night on campus for our LU block party, and they played this song. I love it, its something that i can really relate to right now in life...with drama and such--blech. it so easily describes what happens when your in a rut, or when you just say "ill be fine". well i have to let God have control of things. i have to let go of what im holding onto in my life that could just be something to stumble on. And for me that can be really hard, because i dont like to leave things unsettled. sometimes im going to have to. i have to admit that im not alright, i need to lose the pride that i have built up, and i cant just try to work through everything myself and just say ill be fine. I do need God, i cant do anything on my own.

doubting thomas

What will be left when I've drawn my last breath
Besides the folks I've met and the folks who've known me
Will I discover a soul-saving love
Or just the dirt above and below me

I'm a doubting Thomas
I took a promise
But I do not feel safe
Oh me of little faith

Sometimes I pray for a slap in the face
Then I beg to be spared cause I'm a coward
If there's a master of death
I bet he's holding his breath
As I show the blind and tell the deaf about his power

I'm a doubting Thomas
I can't keep my promises
Cause I don't know what's safe
Oh me of little faith

Can I be used to help others find truth
When I'm scared I'll find proof that it's a lie
Can I be led down a trail dropping bread crumbs
That prove I'm not ready to die

Please give me time to decipher the signs
Please forgive me for time that I've wasted

I'm a doubting Thomas
I'll take your promise
You've always kept me safe
Oh me of little faith



oh me of little faith...yea thats me alot. its easy to question everthing, but then again wouldnt it be easier to jus let things the way they are?....heh no cause that would make me uncomfrotable. so to keep my comfartablility, i would have to stay in my own buble of friends, family, activities, etc. thats just selfish. what about all of the people out there who dont even know who God is? I know God, and i want everyone to be able to expierence the relationship with him that i have expierenced so far in my life. It hurts to think about how many friends, or aquaintances that i pretty much just let out of my life, with out really reaching out to them. ill never for get what a speaker said at a conference i was at one summer "I dont want to go to heaven and see a coworker standing before God, and looking at me with that look on his face saying 'why didnt you tell me?' "..when i heard that story, everything clicked. i dont want to be sitting around, doing nothing for God. I want to be able to share about im with others. let them know about my personal relaitonship with our Father, and what its feels like to be apart of this big loving family. like the song says, "sometimes i pray for a slap in the face, but then i beg to be spared because im a coward.." i dont want to be spared this time. ive taken the slap in the face...and i want to work toward not being a coward.

the challenge of sin

as frosh seminar wraps up...i cant wait for real college to start up. i know that might sound wierd, but its true, right now i just kinda feel like im on a retreat, cause theres all these freshman activities, not that i dont like them, cause i definatly do, but i need the reality of it all.

what would we be with out sin? i know its a big question...but seriously, would we even be around? or would it just still be adam and eve? apparently life in the garden of eden was pretty much like heaven according to the bible. everything was just snazzy, but then of course Adam and Eve chose to disobey God, even though they knew what was right from wrong. After their disobedience, it was like they no longer deserved the paradise they lived in because God kicked them right out. Our God is a serious God, Hes not going to take any crap from anyone. What God says goes. and just like He says in John 14:15, "If you love me then you will obey what I command"...heh...wow. im gonna stop for a second. If i love God i will keep his commands? but thats hard. sometimes so hard that the much easier thing to do would be my way of things. BUT HOLD ON. Thats NOT what God wants. and what God says goes....remember? its hard...really hard, and anyone could vouch for that. but its worth it. its worth sacrificing things im used to, and things im comfortable with. yea its gonna be tough, and im definatly going to make mistakes... but to have that relationship with God, I think ill manage.

my help

"My help comes frm the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth." Psalm 121:2

I love verses like this. the just on statement, but the have so much meaning to them. when im sad or just unhappy about something, my help comes from the Lord. when i feel alone and have no where to turn, my help comes from the Lord. basically everything that come my way in life, Hes there to help me through it. God has so much power...its just amazing. I mean its just so awesome to have a father(obviously not earthly) that knows what will happen to me tomorrow, when the flowers will bloom, how many hairs are on my head, when each leaf will fall out of what tree in the fall, how many times the waves crash onto the sand down the shore...and the list could seriously go on forvever. I love that He knows what im thinking. when i know that no one esle understands, or would even want to listen to what i have to say, i know that God knows whats going on. And if its a trial in my life, Ill just get closer to Him. I dont know what i would have done without God in the last couple years and i always question why things happen to me, but ive learned to much and grown spiritually. My help comes from the Lord.

College. its scary...walking into a new place...on your own...completely nervous, and wondering why you even came. I think back to when i was sooo excited about going. When i got here...its almost like i could have just chickened out and gone home. but i ddnt. now Im here and im soo glad i am! im officially on my own now. Im really excited to see what God has instore for me this year!

"Then I acknowledge my sin to You...and You forgave the guilt of my sin." -Ps. 32:5
it says in my bible under that verse..." Wht is confession? To confess our sin is to agree with God, acknowledging that He is right to declare what we have done as sinful, and that we are wrong to desire, or do it. It means affirming our intention of abandoning that sin in order to follow God more faithfully."
so can i do it? when i do something wrong, ask forgiveness and do it again...then i wasnt sincere the first time. I can do it. I have to leave the sin behind me. I need to focus on what i can do, to be closer with God.

soo...its been a short week unfortunatly. i leave tomorrow morning for school. im nervous but also extremely excited like i said before. im going to miss everyone im leaving behind soooo much=( highschool holds so many events that took place in my life. from being a freshman, not interested in God that much, to a graduating senior, who is willing to do anything for God. its amaxing to look back and see just how much ive changed in four years. and even how my whole class developed, into more mature college freshman. and theres still more to come! im so excited for the life taht God has planned out for me! it will be amazing how much i learn...sometimes im taking so much in at one time...i just have to sit back, take a deep breath, and thank God for his work in my life!

"If you truly embrace the holiness of God and ove and delight in the majesty of God, you will be unwilling and unable NOT to change."

im new here

so yea im not gonna right very much in here...but this is just a blog...from a site that no one i know has. so im not really follwing people into myspace or anything...just venturing off on my own=) college starts next sunday for me...im nervous but extremely excited! but this is all i have time for right now...hopefully ill be keeping this posted once im all set at school. so im not sure if ill be writing in between now and then.