helpful tears

I guess i would be the first to admit that it does feel good to cry about things. to let things out. I mean Ive come to realize the power of just open conversation with God. Not that i havent done it in the past, becasue believe me its become a huge part of my life. but actually finding a spot for myself and talking out loud to Him. Its more of a real conversation for me. I havent had the best week. I try way to hard to handle things on my own, and i come to complete frustration because I realize that im trying to do things on my own and then change things for a while and let God have control anad focus more on Him....but then i do it again. I try to take my problems into my own hands...and that would be why i just end up crying before God.and while the tears fall down my face, and i sit in awe of my Lord and his power, i ask for happiness. its alot to ask...and its what i want. and i cant achieve it on my own. Gods catching my attention for some reason and im will to work with my trials to grow in Him. Sometimes Im just so dumb. I have these days where i just think about everything thats happened in the last month or so, and it kills me. I drove back to school the other day...a six hour drive, by myself. all i ended up doing was thinking about stuff that ive been trying to move on from. its like im cursed with this never ending cycle or something. Well i had my share of crying tonight. If God werent so merciful, and forgiving...i dont know where the heck i would be. most likely very depressed. But im not. and thats only because I have a God who does care for me, and wants to help me. I do end up trying handle my problems on my own sometimes but no matter how hard I try...it wont work.
thats why God is there, cause im not supposed to do it on my own. its been rough. and some days are worse than others. but with Him, all things are possible.